Ridiculous Record Covers!

Whilst recently flicking through some old records in an Altrincham charity shop I stumbled across this hilarious cover from a gentlemen called Joseph Cooper and I genuinely couldn’t put it down for laughing! 😆

At first I thought it might be some kind of ‘Vic and Bob’ parody but no, it’s the real deal. I was initially drawn in by the guy’s hairstyle but, upon closer inspection it was the cat – casually sitting on top of the old piano, seemingly eating a bowl of autumn leaves, that got me sniggering uncontrollably! Then my eyes moved to poor old Joseph’s tweed jacket…. and the leaves that the photographer had carefully placed on his shoulder and sleeve. I was mesmerised! How long had he been sat there? How many shots did the photographer need to take because the leaves kept falling off or blowing away in the wind? Was Joseph getting cold and grumpy? Had he been able to compose a whole new concerto while he sat there waiting for the ‘perfect shot’? How did he persuade that poor cat to stay on the piano? WAS THE CAT STUFFED?! Oh so many questions…..

Obviously I didn’t buy this record but it did provide a good 10 minutes of free entertainment while Mrs C browsed the shelves in search of a bargain! It also inspired me to delve deep into my old record collection when I got home and to see what other weird, wacky and wonderful album covers I could find…

…and that’s when I unearthed these little beauties! 🤪

First up Bert Kaempfert (not KampFart as I prefer to call him!)

I can only assume this was one of my mum’s records as she had a liking for orchestra music (Bert was a German orchestra leader) but again, this raises sooooooo many questions.

Did the photographer suggest that pose or did Bert have a desperate need to cock his leg up a tree, like a dog? Or perhaps he was holding the tree up while someone (out of shot) was sawing it down?! And what about that sheet music….what was the song? An early version of Radiohead’s “Fake Plastic Trees?” perhaps? Regardless – nice shiny heeled shoe / sock combo and old Bert clearly enjoyed showing a bit of leg for the ladies.

Talking of ladies….

Yes I know it was the 1970s but WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K is going on here?!

My parents brought this into our house in 1971 (64p from Asda in Nottingham – see price tag) and it’s one of several Top of the Pops compilations I still own to this day. I was only 4 years old in 1971 but can clearly remember me and my younger brother sniggering and finding this record cover hilarious as kids. The big white budgie smugglers (OWL smugglers more like!), the dog chain…..but seriously WHY would anyone think it was a good idea to put this on the cover of a record which would be targeted at families in Adsa on their ‘Friday big shop’?! Having said that I may have viewed this album cover with a different pair of eyes as a teenager lol 😜

Sticking with my childhood, how about this monstrosity…?!

I can vaguely remember hearing the story of Peter and the Wolf at Primary School and I think the Head Teacher may even have played this record during morning assembly. I didn’t think anything of it at the time but looking at this cover today it’s positively TERRIFYING! Not only that but the sinister looking fella in the red jumper (presumably Paul Danemen) appears to be revelling in it in a macabre “How can we scare the absolute shit out of kids?” kind of way!

And talking of scaring the kids, I’ll just leave this one here…

Yes it’s serial paedo Gary Glitter pretending to the the Man In the Moon. Gary Glitter was my hero as a little boy growing up in the early 70s. My dad even made me a glitter suit out of tin foil! Little did we know it at the time but Mr Glitter would probably have liked me and my school friends too. Evil bastard.

And finally….how about this rogues gallery of contestants from 70’s UK talent show ‘Opportunity Knocks’?! If I could ever bring myself to play this record I doubt I’d be rating any of these artists highly on the ‘Clapometer’ (Google it!). That said former presenter Hughie Green does look rather pleased with himself on the cover. Either he was chuffed to bits with himself for introducing these new ‘celebs’ to the nation or he’d been busy in the bedroom creating future blonde TV presenters…. 😉

DISCLAIMER: Before signing off I must make one thing clear. Under no circumstances did I actually go out and buy any of these records myself – I merely ‘inherited’ them from my parents collection, OK?! Right….off to feed the cat some leaves! 🐈‍⬛ 🍁